Random thoughts as I lay awake at 5am.

I think I am having one of those bad days.. bad hair, bad skin, over weight and ugly outfit. Remind me, if I ever turn into some kind of dictator that I should abolish a 'fleece robe', one that is made to make you feel you want to snuggle in it but makes you look horrendous and may I add, it also makes you lazy and tired. There should be a rule about comfort clothes, they should be banned after 8am.
Today, as you can probably guess, is about vanity...I just started watching mad men, an American series set in 1960's about the advertising world. Fascinating indeed! I look at those perfect women on screen and it disgust me to look at myself in the mirror. I have blown up like a balloon and swear to the dead rat lying in my back garden back at home, my face has bloated to the size of an overgrown pumpkin . I think very soon, I can sell my face as a helipad. Oh what joy!

Not only am I Jobless, I am now an old Fat bitch. I guess the look can be described as a Sumo wrestler. I guess I never totally understood what it means to be on the other side of the pond. Ha! Maybe I shall still have the last laugh. who knows?

I once thought that I was this young raw talent ready to be unleashed and although not entirely true I was in my own way somewhere one or two of those many talents people gossip about but now I am not that young anymore and it is pretty scary to think that I still have to live up to my own expectations. So what is this big fuss about, the big dreams..I mean do I want to stand out or do I want to fit it.

I think life is like painting one big masterpiece and once has the chance to make the corrections before the grand viewing.

All those things that I could have had.. all those things that I dreamt of, would have been a stones throw if only I knew how wrong I was. Perhaps sometimes its better not to understand the world around you because it makes everything so complicated. Sometimes knowing as little as you need and just trusting yourself is really the key to everything.

So what do I really do about my situation... scream Fuck Fuck!! Shit shite... in my head to myself. Self pity, isn;t that a shameful thing? Ok lets retrace back today's action other than feeling sorry for myself and dreaming big ( literally dreaming big) what do I really do. Nothing. Actually its starting to annoy me.

So many times a day I tell myself, I am going to put this to an end. The end of all misery and speculation and it never does. It's annoying but its true, how facebook has become my sole companion. How I look forward to the mails, comments and likes and how every little gossip on that stupid social networking site has taken away a lifetime from me. It like I get a brownie point every time someone comments on anything I post or write. What a superficial world we live in! we can't even compliment at face value. world peace is so far far away...